Overthinking it… or a trauma response?

When “stop overthinking” misses the point and why your mind might be holding on for a reason.

You cannot think your way out of a dysregulated nervous system.

Have you ever replayed a conversation in your head and wondered, “Why can’t I just let this go?”

And then someone tells you, “You’re overthinking,” “You’re ruminating,” or “You just need to move on”?

That advice sounds simple—unless your body feels something deeper.

I recently sat with a client who was deeply triggered by a dismissive comment and subtle but targeted pattern of behavior towards her. She tried to process it with someone she trusted, but was told she was “having unhealthy rumination.” She walked away doubting herself and feeling more hurt than before.

As she shared the details of the event with me, it became clear: this wasn’t just rumination. Her nervous system had been activated. The comment touched an old wound, and her body reacted as if it were unsafe.

This happens far too often. People are told to “stop overthinking” when, in reality, their body is sounding an alarm.

So let’s talk about the difference.

The Main Difference

Is this a surface-level “outer Loop” thought process, or is it an “Inner Loop” trauma response that needs to be addressed?

Rumination and trauma responses can both look like “not letting it go,” but they come from very different places.

When we label everything as “overthinking,” we miss the deeper truth: sometimes the mind is looping because the body feels unsafe. It has learned to recognize patterns that caused wounds.

Trauma-informed care teaches us to ask a better question: Is this thought pattern unhealthy… or is my nervous system trying to protect me?

What is rumination?

Rumination is a mental loop. You replay conversations, analyze every detail, or ask “why” over and over. It often starts as an attempt to solve a problem or find closure.

But eventually, it stops being helpful. It becomes repetitive, draining, and traps you in a cycle. Rumination can increase anxiety and depression and leave you feeling overwhelmed or ashamed.

Rumination lives in the mind.

What is a trauma response?

A trauma response begins in the body—not the mind.

When your nervous system senses danger, whether physical or emotional, it automatically shifts into survival mode. This reaction is often tied to past experiences where you didn’t feel safe.

A trauma response can look like:

• Feeling anxious or on-edge

• Shutting down emotionally

• People-pleasing to avoid conflict (fawn)

• Feeling frozen or unable to act

• Intense shame or self-blame

This is not overreacting. It is the body remembering.

Trauma responses focus on safety.

The body’s alarm system

Your body’s alarm system—like these intricate leaf veins—is complex and automatic. It doesn’t choose to activate; it simply senses danger.

The vagus nerve helps your brain and body communicate about safety. When the body senses danger—even emotional danger—it activates survival responses like fight, flight, freeze, or fawn. Experts call this phenomenon the polyvagal theory.

This response is automatic. You don’t choose it. When the body feels unsafe, the mind often loops to try to understand why. This is why telling someone to “just stop thinking about it” doesn’t work.

You cannot think your way out of a dysregulated nervous system.

You must help the body feel safe first.

How trauma can trigger rumination

Research shows that trauma wounds and rumination are deeply connected. When an old wound is activated, the mind tries to make sense of the threat. Rumination becomes an attempt to understand:

• Why did this happen?

• Did I do something wrong?

• How do I prevent this again?

Evidence suggests that when people feel invalidated or dismissed, they often internalize the pain. They turn the blame inward, which leads to even more rumination and feelings of shame.

In many cases, rumination isn’t the core problem—it’s a symptom of a deeper trauma response the body is trying to process.

When it becomes unhealthy

Not all rumination is harmful. Sometimes thinking things through is part of healing. But rumination becomes unhealthy when:

• It brings shame instead of clarity

• It is repetitive and lacks new insight

• It disrupts sleep or daily functioning

• It keeps you emotionally stuck

• It isolates you from needed support

If reflection helps you understand or grow, it may be healthy. If it drains you and traps you, it may need a different approach.

Get Out of Survival Mode

Step one to regulate. Grounding techniques, like planting your feet on the earth, bring you out of your head and back into the present moment.

You cannot think clearly in survival mode. The first step is not “figure it out.” It is to regulate. To bring back to base. But How?

Try these grounding techniques:

• Deep, slow rhythmic breathing: Inhale for 3 seconds, hold for 2 and exhale for 3.

→ Calms your nervous system when your body thinks there’s danger.

• Ground through your senses

Remove your shoes. Plant your feet on the ground. Listen to soothing music. Draw a calming picture.

→ Brings you out of your head and back into the present moment.

• Move or stretch

Go on a nature walk. Call someone.

→ Releases stored tension and signals safety to your body.

• Step away from the situation

→ Space = clarity. You don’t have to solve it while activated.

• Talk to someone safe

→ Co-regulation is real. Safety often comes from connection.

When the body feels safer, the mind can think clearly.

Supportive vs dismissive language

Safety comes from connection. Supportive language and a gentle presence signal safety to the nervous system, helping you regulate.

Identifying the right supportive language becomes an important step towards recovery because healthy encouragement sparks nervous system regulation while dismissal intensifies the pain. Let’s take a look at some examples of both.

Supportive language sounds like:

“I hear you.”

“That makes sense.”

“Let’s talk through it.”

“I’m here with you.”

Dismissive language sounds like:

“You’re overreacting.”

“Just let it go.”

“You’re too sensitive.”

“You’re making a big deal out of nothing.”

It’s okay to walk away

Looking back, I remember staying small and quiet when I was in a conversation that was making me feel unsafe and unheard. Years of training, learning and lived experiences taught me it is ok to leave the space that disrespect you. You do not have to stay in conversations or environments where you feel unseen. Taking your power back and regrouping is not avoidance. It is a form of protection. You are allowed to preserve your peace without apologizing for it.

Start over and Regroup

After regulation, self-awareness is the key to recovery. With space and clarity, you can reflect on what was triggered and find your path forward.

Once you feel calmer, you can surely reflect more clearly.

Ask yourself:

• What exactly was triggered?

• What boundary was crossed?

• What does my body need to feel safe?

• Do I need support, rest, or clarity?

• Is this about now or something old being reopened?

Self-awareness is the key to healing.

Practical Ways to Feel Safe Again

1. Regulate before you reflect.

   Think “safety first. Clarity second.”

2. Journal with compassion
   Write what happened and how it felt without judgment. Just be yourself.

3. Talk to someone you trust
   A therapist or trusted person can help you reframe the experience. You can even call the 988 crisis line if the emotions feel too much.

4. Use self-compassion statements
   “It makes sense that I feel this way.”
   “My body is trying to protect me.”
   “I deserve safety.” “I deserve respect.”

5. Set or reinforce boundaries
   You are not required to tolerate emotional harm to “keep the peace. You don’t have to diminish your self-worth to gain emotional freedom.

Medication as a supportive tool

For some people, especially in the initial phase of recovery, medications can be helpful. They can lower the intensity of anxiety, help regulate the nervous system, regulate the mood instability and create space in your head to process your emotions and make recovery more manageable.

It often works best when combined with therapy and trauma-informed strategies. I discussed medication approach from a trauma lens here: “It’s Not Just Chemistry.”

You are Not “Too Sensitive”

Oversensitivity isn’t the issue here. Feeling unsafe and emotionally attacked is. If you struggle to let something go, it’s likely not overthinking. It’s your body remembering something painful and urgently asking for care, resolution, or closure.

You don’t need to be told to “move on.” You need understanding, safety, and support. Healing starts when we stop blaming ourselves for how our nervous system learned to survive due to chronic stress and trauma. You are responding in a very human way. And with the right tools, you can thrive, not just cope.

We normalize healing when we talk about it openly. If this hit home and you’re ready to understand what’s really happening beneath the surface, I help clients every day untangle these patterns, regulate their nervous system, and reclaim their inner voice.

If you’d like support, you can book a free 15-minute consultation here.

References

1. Trauma and repetitive negative thinking: The role of rumination in posttraumatic stress symptoms." Clinical Psychology Review (2020).

2. Polyvagal Institute – Dr. Stephen Porges’ work on the vagus nerve and trauma

3. Brené Brown – Research on shame and vulnerability

   
   Crisis Support Line

   If you are in crisis or need immediate help, call or text 988 (U.S. Suicide & Crisis Lifeline), available 24/7.

   If you are outside the U.S., please contact your local emergency services or crisis line.

   
   
   About the Author

   Leonarda Gaige, FNP-BC, PMHNP-BC is a dual board-certified nurse practitioner specializing in psychiatry and primary care through a trauma-informed, whole-person lens. She is passionate about helping individuals feel seen, safe, and empowered on their healing journey. Leonarda combines clinical expertise and lived experience with compassion to support nervous system regulation, emotional resilience, and authentic recovery.