Complex PTSD: The Ties That Strain Us
Explore the silent patterns that strain relationships—at home, at work, and within ourselves. Learn how these dynamics are often tied to generational trauma. Check out the Rooting and Rising series for more.
Content note: This post reflects on the emotional impact of PTSD and lifelong trauma. While nothing graphic is discussed, please read with care.
Healing from
Complex PTSD
starts with
understanding
what kept us in
survival mode.
Introduction
Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) doesn’t just impact how we think—it reshapes how we relate. Whether it began in childhood or adulthood, the effects of chronic trauma often follow us silently into our relationships with family, colleagues, and loved ones.
Unlike traditional PTSD, Complex PTSD develops after long-term emotional, physical, or psychological trauma—especially in relationships where we felt trapped, powerless, or unseen.
“The core experiences of psychological trauma are disempowerment and disconnection from others.”
— Dr. Judith Herman, Trauma and Recovery
What Is Complex PTSD?
Complex PTSD was first identified by Dr. Judith Herman in the 1990s and formally recognized in 2018 by the World Health Organization (ICD-11). It includes many of the same symptoms as PTSD—like flashbacks and hypervigilance—but adds deeper, more chronic effects on:
Emotional regulation
Self-worth and identity
Trust and relational safety
C-PTSD often stems from situations where a person was exposed to prolonged trauma and lacked the power to leave—such as childhood abuse, neglect, domestic violence, immigration trauma, or workplace abuse.
The Fawning Response: Survival Through Self-Sacrifice
Fawning often
looks like kindness,
but it’s really
fear in disguise.
Most people have heard of fight, flight, or freeze responses to danger or extreme stress. But fawn is the trauma response often overlooked—and for many with Complex PTSD, it’s the most familiar.
Coined by Pete Walker, fawning is the learned instinct to appease, please, or over-accommodate others to avoid conflict or rejection. It’s not politeness—it’s self-erasure for the sake of emotional survival.
🔹 You might be fawning if you:
Constantly apologize, even when you’ve done nothing wrong
Say “yes” when you mean “no”
Feel guilty asserting boundaries or having needs
Research published in the Journal of Trauma & Dissociation (2020) has linked chronic appeasement behaviors with relational trauma and attachment wounds, especially in survivors of emotional neglect.
In Family: Old Roles, Unspoken Triggers
Family gatherings can feel like emotional landmines when you carry Complex PTSD. You may find yourself slipping back into childhood roles, tolerating disrespect, or questioning your reactions.
🔹 Signs it’s showing up:
Dreading visits or emotionally shutting down during them
Feeling guilt for setting boundaries
Struggling with loyalty to people who once hurt you
🔸 Healing begins with:
Grieving the family you needed but didn’t have
Creating chosen family or safe emotional distance
Validating your own experience without needing others to understand
At Work: High-Functioning, Always Bracing
For trauma survivors, the workplace can become another reenactment of survival. You may be a high achiever—but also deeply anxious, afraid of making mistakes, or avoiding visibility.
🔹 Signs it’s showing up:
Fear of feedback or authority figures
Perfectionism or overwork to avoid rejection
Emotional exhaustion from people-pleasing
A study by Karatzias et al. (2019) found that individuals with C-PTSD experience greater stress in hierarchical environments, with increased vulnerability to burnout and performance anxiety.
🔸 Healing begins with:
Separating your self-worth from productivity
Reclaiming time for rest without guilt
Seeking or shaping environments that support psychological safety
In Friendship and Love: The Push-Pull of Trust
C-PTSD can turn intimacy into a battlefield of contradictions. You crave connection but fear being truly seen. You may give too much or shut down completely, unsure how to trust.
🔹 Signs it’s showing up:
Withdrawing when someone gets too close
Choosing emotionally unavailable partners or friends
Feeling “too much” or like a burden
🔸 Healing begins with:
Practicing relational safety slowly and intentionally
Learning to stay present with discomfort instead of abandoning yourself
Letting connection be mutual, not one-sided
Healing Is Possible (Even If It Feels Foreign)
Complex PTSD is not a character flaw—it’s an injury that changes how we see the world and ourselves. Healing means not only addressing symptoms, but learning to feel safe in your own body, your own choices, and your own relationships.
Recovery may include:
Trauma-informed psychotherapy
Psychiatric care focused on emotional stabilization
Somatic practices like EMDR, movement, or breathwork
Community and relationships that reinforce your worth
You are not “over sensitive.” You are someone who survived on hypervigilance and self-sacrifice.
References
Resources for Support and Recovery
🔹 Out of the Storm – Peer-led forums, education, and resources for survivors of Complex PTSD.
🔹 Complex PTSD Foundation – Offers trauma education, virtual support groups, and recovery tools.
You are not “damaged goods.” You are someone who adapted and survived. You are getting yourself “out of the shadows.” That takes courage.
If You’re Ready to Begin Again…
I offer trauma-informed psychiatric care that blends evidence-based treatment with compassion, cultural sensitivity, and bilingual accessibility. Whether your trauma began years ago or is still unfolding, you deserve care that meets you where you are—with dignity and understanding.