Complex PTSD: The Ties That Strain Us

Explore the silent patterns that strain relationships—at home, at work, and within ourselves. Learn how these dynamics are often tied to generational trauma. Check out the Rooting and Rising series for more.

Content note: This post reflects on the emotional impact of PTSD and lifelong trauma. While nothing graphic is discussed, please read with care.

Healing from

Complex PTSD

starts with

understanding

what kept us in

survival mode.

Introduction

Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD) doesn’t just impact how we think—it reshapes how we relate. Whether it began in childhood or adulthood, the effects of chronic trauma often follow us silently into our relationships with family, colleagues, and loved ones.

Unlike traditional PTSD, Complex PTSD develops after long-term emotional, physical, or psychological trauma—especially in relationships where we felt trapped, powerless, or unseen.

“The core experiences of psychological trauma are disempowerment and disconnection from others.”

— Dr. Judith Herman, Trauma and Recovery

What Is Complex PTSD?

Complex PTSD was first identified by Dr. Judith Herman in the 1990s and formally recognized in 2018 by the World Health Organization (ICD-11). While PTSD is often linked to a single traumatic event, Complex PTSD describes the impact of prolonged or repeated trauma, particularly during early development.

It shares core PTSD symptoms but adds disruptions in emotional regulation, self-worth, and relationships. C-PTSD often stems from situations where a person was exposed to prolonged trauma and lacked the power to leave—such as childhood abuse, neglect, domestic violence, immigration trauma, or workplace abuse.

The Fawning Response: Survival Through Self-Sacrifice

Fawning often

looks like kindness,

but it’s really

fear in disguise.

Most people have heard of fight, flight, or freeze responses to danger or extreme stress. But fawn is the trauma response often overlooked—and for many with Complex PTSD, it’s the most familiar.

Coined by Pete Walker, fawning is the learned instinct to appease, please, or over-accommodate others to avoid conflict or rejection. It’s not politeness—it’s self-erasure for the sake of emotional survival.

🔹 You might be fawning if you:

• Constantly apologize, even when you’ve done nothing wrong

• Say “yes” when you mean “no”

• Feel guilty asserting boundaries or having needs

Research published in the Journal of Trauma & Dissociation (2020) has linked chronic appeasement behaviors with relational trauma and attachment wounds, especially in survivors of emotional neglect.

In Family: Old Roles, Unspoken Triggers

Family gatherings can feel like emotional landmines when you carry Complex PTSD. You may find yourself slipping back into childhood roles, tolerating disrespect, or questioning your reactions.

🔹 Signs it’s showing up:

• Dreading visits or emotionally shutting down during them

• Feeling guilt for setting boundaries

• Struggling with loyalty to people who once hurt you

🔸 Healing begins with:

• Grieving the family you needed but didn’t have

• Creating chosen family or safe emotional distance

• Validating your own experience without needing others to understand

At Work: High-Functioning, Always Bracing

For trauma survivors, the workplace can become another reenactment of survival. You may be a high achiever—but also deeply anxious, afraid of making mistakes, or avoiding visibility.

🔹 Signs it’s showing up:

• Fear of feedback or authority figures

• Perfectionism or overwork to avoid rejection

• Emotional exhaustion from people-pleasing

A study by Karatzias et al. (2019) found that individuals with C-PTSD experience greater stress in hierarchical environments, with increased vulnerability to burnout and performance anxiety.

🔸 Healing begins with:

• Separating your self-worth from productivity

• Reclaiming time for rest without guilt

• Seeking or shaping environments that support psychological safety

In Friendship and Love: The Push-Pull of Trust

C-PTSD can turn intimacy into a battlefield of contradictions. You crave connection but fear being truly seen. You may give too much or shut down completely, unsure how to trust.

🔹 Signs it’s showing up:

• Withdrawing when someone gets too close

• Choosing emotionally unavailable partners or friends

• Feeling “too much” or like a burden

🔸 Healing begins with:

• Practicing relational safety slowly and intentionally

• Learning to stay present with discomfort instead of abandoning yourself

• Letting connection be mutual, not one-sided

Healing Is Possible (Even If It Feels Foreign)

Complex PTSD is not a character flaw—it’s an injury that changes how we see the world and ourselves. Healing means not only addressing symptoms, but learning to feel safe in your own body, your own choices, and your own relationships.

Recovery may include:

• Trauma-informed psychotherapy

• Psychiatric care focused on emotional stabilization

• Somatic practices like EMDR, movement, or breathwork

• Community and relationships that reinforce your worth

You are not “over sensitive.” You are someone who survived on hypervigilance and self-sacrifice.

Looking to explore how healing unfolds after trauma?

Discover the Dear Needs series—a reflective space for reconnecting with the core needs we all deserve to have honored.

References

• Herman, J. L. (1992). Trauma and Recovery.

• Karatzias, T., et al. (2019). Journal of Traumatic Stress, 32(6)

• Journal of Trauma & Dissociation, Vol. 21(2), 2020

Resources for Support and Recovery

🔹 Out of the Storm – Peer-led forums, education, and resources for survivors of Complex PTSD.

🔹 Complex PTSD Foundation – Offers trauma education, virtual support groups, and recovery tools.

You are not “damaged goods.” You are someone who adapted and survived. You are getting yourself “out of the shadows.” That takes courage.