Dear Connection

A reflection on what it means to be seen, felt, and truly known, especially after betrayal, neglect, or emotional abandonment.

Connection isn’t just about being seen—it’s about being safe enough to rest.

@myjourneycompasshealth1

First time reading? Start with the [Series Introduction]. More posts include [Dear love], [Dear Safety], and [Dear Power] coming soon.

Author’s Note: This letter is part of the “Dear Needs” series—7 reflective letters inspired by the 12 core emotional needs for healing by Tim Fletcher. These reflections explore common themes in trauma recovery, including neglect, abandonment, and emotional survival. Please read at your own pace, and return only when it feels safe to do so.

Dear Connection,

We chased you in silence hoping someone might notice the pain we didn’t know how to name. We looked for you in crowded rooms, in performance, in perfection. In people who smiled at our mask but never asked about the face underneath.

When trauma has been part of our story, neglect, abandonment, betrayal, connection can feel more like a risk than a refuge. We long to be seen and known, but we also remember the cost of trusting the wrong eyes. And so, we learn to perform closeness while protecting our hearts.

Real connection asks us to show up

—not just to smile through it.

@myjourneycompasshealth1

We learn to be agreeable instead of authentic. Present but emotionally absent. Always there for others, rarely seen ourselves. But real connection, the kind that heals, is not something we earn by being easy or small. It’s what we build when we feel safe enough to be fully human.

It doesn’t demand perfection. It invites presence. It says: You belong, even when you’re hurting. Connection isn’t about always being surrounded. It’s about feeling understood. And sometimes, the first person we need to reconnect with… is ourselves.

Clinical Insight

Trauma often rewires the nervous system for protection, not connection. Many who’ve experienced neglect, betrayal, or emotional abandonment find that longing for closeness coexists with fear of being seen too closely. True connection isn’t just about human company; it’s about safety, choice, and the ability to rest in presence without performance. Relearning that kind of safety often begins with healing from within—unlearning the masks we are used to wearing for survival and choosing relationships that honor our voice and presence.

Inward Invitation:

Explore these questions in your “Dear Connection Journal Companion”:

• When did I first feel unseen or emotionally dismissed?

• What messages did I internalize about vulnerability?

• What relationships feel mutual and emotionally nourishing?

• How do I reconnect with myself when I feel emotionally detached?

Resources for Deeper Healing:

• Hold Me Tight – Dr. Sue Johnson

• Attached – Levine & Heller: Free PDF book.

• The Gifts of Imperfection – Brené Brown

• The 12 Essential Needs for Healing from Complex Trauma: Tim Fletcher – RE/ACT Program

• ← Previous: [Dear Safety]

• → Check out the Rooted & Rising series a mental health series for women. This is a seven-part series explores identity, emotional labor, friendship, body image, rest, generational resilience. It was written for women navigating trauma recovery, and renewal.