Dear Safety
A reflection on reclaiming our right to feel safe—in our bodies, homes, and relationships.
New here? Start with the [Series Introduction]. More posts are coming soon. Stay tuned for [Dear Connection], [Dear Power], and more.
Author’s Note:—This letter is part of the “Dear Needs” series—7 reflective letters inspired by the 12 core emotional needs for healing by Tim Fletcher. These reflections explore common themes in trauma recovery, including neglect, abandonment, and emotional survival. Please read at your own pace, and return only when it feels safe to do so.
“Real safety doesn’t demand silence—it offers peace. It lets you rest without watching the door.”
@myjourneycompasshealthDear Safety,
You were supposed to be a given—not a guess, not a gamble. But for many of us, safety was unpredictable. Conditional. Tied to someone else’s mood or a house that never felt like home.
We flinch not because we’re fragile—but because we remember. We scan rooms not because we’re paranoid—but because we had to learn: who’s safe, who’s not, and how to keep the peace when no one else would.
Dear Safety, we’ve spent years surviving without you. We tried perfectionism, people-pleasing, emotional shutdown, hyper-independence—all in your name. But survival is not the same as safety. One keeps us breathing. The other lets us live.
The absence
of threat
is one thing.
The presence of peace is another.
@myjourneycompasshealthThe invitation now is to redefine what safety feels like—not as absence of danger, but presence of care. The quiet reassurance that we don’t have to earn our right to exist. The inner stillness that tells us: we are no longer in the place that hurt us.
Clinical Insight
Safety is a biological and emotional need. For those with trauma histories, the nervous system may remain in a chronic state of alert, even in environments that appear calm. Childhood experiences of abuse, neglect, or emotional volatility can rewire our brain’s threat response and limit our capacity to self-soothe or trust others.
This leads to survival adaptations: hypervigilance, dissociation, emotional numbing, controlling behaviors, or codependency. These responses are protective, but they come at a cost.
Healing involves learning to distinguish past danger from present safety, building self-trust, and co-creating secure environments. Practices like grounding, trauma-informed therapy, safe relationships, and nervous system regulation can help restore this foundational need.
LG
.
Inward Invitation
Explore these questions in your Dear Safety Journal Companion:
• When did I first learn that safety could be taken away?
• What does felt safety mean to me—not just logical safety, but emotional and bodily?
• What parts of me still live in survival mode?
• What helps my nervous system feel calm, protected, or held?
Even when fear echoes loudest, safety can return—slowly, gently, with choice.
Helpful Resources / References
The Hungry Ghost Inside of Us – Gabor Maté, MD[trigger warning: Addiction language]
The 12 Essential Needs for Healing from Complex Trauma – Tim Fletcher, RE/ACT Program
Van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score. Penguin Books
Want to keep exploring?
This is part of the ongoing Dear Needs series. New posts and journal companions will be added regularly.
Be sure to check back or bookmark the [Series Introduction] for updates.
← Previous post: [Dear Love]
Next in the series: [Dear Connection]
Ready to talk? / ¿Lista(o) para hablar?
English:
• Trauma-informed, integrated psychiatric care
• Non-controlled medication management
• For adults, teens, and children ages 6+
Español:
• Atención psiquiátrica integrada y con enfoque en trauma
• Manejo de medicamentos no controlados
• Para adultos, adolescentes y niños a partir de los 6 años
*This blog is for educational purposes only and does not constitute medical advice or establish a provider–client relationship.*
*Este blog es solo para fines educativos y no constituye asesoramiento médico ni establece una relación proveedor–paciente.*