Dear Understanding

First time reading? Start with the [Series Introduction]. You can also explore [Dear Love], [Dear Safety], [Dear Connection], [Dear Power], and [Dear Boundaries]. Final entry coming soon: [Dear Freedom].

Author’s Note: This letter is part of the Dear Needs series—seven reflective letters inspired by the 12 core emotional needs for healing by Tim Fletcher. These writings explore common themes in trauma recovery, including neglect, abandonment, and emotional survival. Please read at your own pace, and return only when it feels safe to do so.

Sometimes the deepest

connection

come from shared silence.

@myjourneycompasshealth1

Dear Understanding,

• I didn’t realize how much I longed for you until I kept being misunderstood.

• I kept over-explaining, softening, second-guessing—hoping someone would finally get it.

• Not fix me. Not agree with me. Just… see me.

• You are the need behind the ache to be heard without having to defend every emotion.

• You are what we crave when the pain isn’t obvious but the impact is real.

• You’re not about agreement. You’re about presence.

Healing begins

when we dare

to look beneath

the surface.

@myjourneycompasshealth1

Clinical Insight

• Trauma often disrupts one’s ability to feel understood, especially if survival meant minimizing, masking, or dissociating from needs.

• Individuals raised in invalidating or chaotic environments may internalize misunderstanding as personal failure.

• Misunderstanding in adulthood can retrigger early wounds—especially in conflict, medical settings, or relationships with power imbalances.

• Emotional understanding isn’t about analyzing—it’s about attunement: the ability to stay connected even when clarity is imperfect.

• Therapeutically, reflective listening, validation, and regulated nervous system responses are often more healing than solutions.

  Here is the final thought: You are not too much for needing to be understood. You don’t have to shrink your truth to stay connected. The right people won’t make you beg for clarity—they’ll meet you halfway. Being misunderstood by someone doesn’t mean you misunderstood yourself.

Inward Invitation

Understanding

ourselves

may begin

in the language

of feeling,

not words.

@myjournalcompasshealth1

Explore these questions in your Dear Understanding Journal Companion:

• When was the first time you remember being misunderstood, and what did you learn to do in response?

• Do you associate being understood with being safe? Why or why not?

• What do you do when you feel unseen? Do you shut down, explain more, get louder, or go quiet?

Resources & Further Reading

• Dear Connection – for those rebuilding safe relational patterns

• The 12 Essential Needs for Healing from Complex Trauma – Tim Fletcher, RE/ACT Program

• The Emotionally Absent Mother by Jasmin Lee Cori

• It’s Not Always Depression by Hilary Jacobs Hendel

Want To Keep Exploring?

If you’ve spent years navigating misunderstanding—especially in medical, relational, or faith-based spaces—you’re not alone. Understanding doesn’t begin with others. It begins with learning to hear yourself again. Explore sessions or support here.

→ For a deeper dive on how misattunement can masquerade as charisma, read: Empty Heads and Burning Pain: How Charisma Can Blind Discernment .This trauma-informed reflection explores how discernment-not image-is the foundation of safety, healing, and spiritual maturity.