The Silent Harm: Relational Aggression in the Workplace-Part 1
Author’s Note:
This post reflects both personal and professional insights, shared with the intent to raise awareness about relational aggression in workplace settings. All details are presented with care and discretion, focusing on patterns of behavior rather than individual experiences. My goal is to foster understanding, healing, and advocacy for change.
Some of the most damaging experiences in the workplace don’t involve raised voices or blatant conflict. Instead, they show up through exclusion, manipulation, and persistent undermining—behaviors that fall under the category of relational aggression.
Relational aggression isn’t always loud—It’s strategic, isolating, and often invisible.
While often associated with adolescence, relational aggression is increasingly recognized as a serious issue among adults, particularly in high-stress environments like healthcare, education, and corporate settings. Its impact is psychological, and over time, it can lead to chronic stress, burnout, and loss of professional confidence.
What Is Relational Aggression in the Workplace?
Not all battles are fought with swords. Some are waged in silence—behind closed doors, through whispers, and withheld support.
Relational aggression (RA) refers to indirect behaviors aimed at harming an individual’s reputation, relationships, or access to opportunities. This includes:
- Social exclusion or purposeful isolation
- Gossip or rumors designed to damage credibility
- Favoritism that disrupts team equity
- Delayed or denied access to resources such as PTO
- Undermining feedback or vague criticism
- Manipulative use of policies (e.g., false HR complaints)
These tactics are often subtle and easily overlooked by bystanders, yet they carry significant emotional and psychological weight for the target. Unlike overt harassment, relational aggression can fly under the radar, making it harder to name, document, or report.
A Professional Experience with Relational Aggression
Sometime ago, I experienced a pattern of behavior in the workplace that aligned with relational aggression. It began with an increasingly unmanageable workload, noticeable disparities in scheduling, and delays in PTO approval—even for essential obligations like medical appointments or after-school activities. Over time, the situation escalated through subtle exclusion, inconsistent feedback, and ultimately, unfounded HR complaints.
Although the actions weren’t overtly hostile, the cumulative impact created an environment where I felt increasingly isolated, physically, and psychologically unsafe and professionally undermined. In hindsight, these were clear markers of workplace mobbing—a term used to describe group-based relational aggression that pressures an employee to resign or become marginalized.
Understanding the Psychological Impact of RA
Relational aggression doesn’t leave bruises, but it shatters self-worth. Like a broken mirror, you can piece yourself together, but the cracks still show.
Relational aggression disrupts the foundation of psychological safety in the workplace. It activates the stress response system in the brain, often triggering symptoms like anxiety, hypervigilance, and reduced self-confidence.
Research highlights that exposure to this form of aggression is associated with increased emotional exhaustion, feelings of injustice, and a greater risk of burnout—especially in professions where empathy and relational care are core functions.
Targets of relational aggression often struggle with internalized self-blame or confusion due to the subtlety of the behaviors. Without proper recognition and support, this can lead to long-term consequences for both mental health and career development.
The Path to Recovery
The first step to recovery is self-care
If you recognize these dynamics in your workplace, here are some important steps:
- Validate your experience. Psychological harm is still harm—even if it’s hard to prove.
- Document patterns. Keep clear records of interactions, communications, and schedule inconsistencies.
- Seek external support. Therapy, coaching, or mentorship can provide a clearer perspective and help you rebuild confidence.
- Know your options. It may be worth evaluating whether the organizational culture is repairable or if a transition is the healthiest next step.
- Prioritize your well-being. Self-preservation is not weakness. It’s a professional and personal boundary.
A Systemic Issue with Early Roots
Relational aggression starts in childhood and can continue into adolescent years and adulthood without proper interventions
Relational aggression doesn’t begin in the workplace. These patterns are often learned and reinforced in childhood. That’s why in Part 2, we’ll explore how relational aggression develops in school-age children and how early intervention can help shift these dynamics before they become ingrained.
You don’t need to wait for it to get worse. You can acquire tools to thrive and feel supported at My Journey Compass Health. Book your first consult below.
References
Branch, S., Ramsay, S., & Barker, M. (2022). Relational aggression in the workplace: A review and practical strategies for intervention. Human Resource Management Review, 32(2), 100800. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.hrmr.2021.100800
Westhues, K. (2021). Workplace mobbing: A review of workplace bullying through exclusion and manipulation. Journal of Workplace Behavioral Health, 36(1), 15–32. https://doi.org/10.1080/15555240.2020.1851293