Silent Wounds: Understanding Relational Aggression in Childhood: Part 2

Trigger Warning: This post discusses emotional bullying and childhood trauma. Please read with care. If you or someone you know is experiencing emotional harm, support is available. (See resources at the end of this post.)

Author’s Note

As a bilingual, dual board-certified Family and Psychiatric Mental Health Nurse Practitioner with over a decade of clinical experience, my training and care is grounded in a trauma-informed, holistic approach. From primary and inpatient care to crisis intervention in correctional medicine to international short-term medical missions, I’ve supported individuals impacted by trauma, including those affected by commercial sexual exploitation, violent death and domestic abuse. These experiences—along with ongoing training in trauma-informed care through PESI—shape my commitment to creating safe, empathetic spaces for healing and recovery.

Introduction: The Wounds We Don't See

Some wounds don’t leave bruises. Relational aggression (RA)—a subtle, often overlooked form of emotional harm—frequently begins in childhood and can quietly shape how a person views themselves, others, and the world. From being left out on the playground to becoming the target of gossip or manipulation, these experiences often leave deeper scars than we realize.

Let us explore 7 key things you should know about relational aggression and why early awareness and support can help protect a child’s developing mind and heart.

1. Relational Aggression Is a Silent Form of Bullying

Unlike physical bullying, relational aggression is covert. It thrives on subtlety and manipulation—quietly isolating, excluding, or humiliating a child through whispering, social sabotage, or silent treatment. Because it's not always visible to adults, it often goes unnoticed or is minimized.

2. It Targets Relationships, Not Bodies

Relational aggression isn't about physical power; it's about social control. Children who engage in RA often manipulate friendships or social standing to harm others—using inclusion or exclusion as tools. This kind of bullying can be just as psychologically damaging as a punch or shove.

3. Emotional Health and Self-Worth Are Often Undermined

Victims of relational aggression may begin to question their self-worth. Repeated social rejection or humiliation can cause long-lasting emotional distress, including anxiety, depression, or shame. These children may stop trusting others or assume that being mistreated is normal.

4. Children Can Develop Trust Issues and Chronic Loneliness

Even after the aggression stops, children often carry feelings of loneliness and distrust into other relationships. Without support, they may avoid friendships or become overly compliant or people-pleasing to avoid conflict or rejection.

5. The Effects Can Follow Them Into Adulthood

Adults who experienced RA in childhood often struggle with boundaries, self-confidence, or emotional regulation. They may find it difficult to trust people, advocate for themselves, or even recognize unhealthy patterns in relationships.

6. Early Intervention Can Change the Outcome

The earlier relational aggression is identified and addressed, the better the long-term outcomes. Caregivers, educators, and clinicians all play a role in creating emotionally safe environments and teaching children how to recognize and respond to emotional harm.

7. Teaching Boundaries and Self-Advocacy Builds Resilience

Empowering children to recognize red flags, set boundaries, and speak up helps them develop resilience and self-trust. Encouraging open communication and reinforcing their worth can undo much of the damage caused by relational aggression.

Final Thoughts: A Call for Compassionate Awareness

Relational aggression is often dismissed as “just drama” or “kids being kids,” but its consequences are real—and preventable. As parents, educators, and providers, our role is to create space for children to be seen, heard, and protected—not just physically, but emotionally.

By understanding how relational aggression works, we can help prevent long-term harm and guide children toward safer, healthier relationships.

Let’s break the silence together.

If you suspect your child or someone you care about is experiencing emotional bullying or if you’re navigating the long-term effects of relational aggression, you don’t have to do it alone. At Journey Compass Health, we provide trauma-informed, holistic care to support healing at every stage of life.

Schedule a consultation below, explore our services, or reach out today—We’re here to walk alongside you on your path to resilience and recovery

Resources

• StopBullying.gov – https://www.stopbullying.gov

• National Child Traumatic Stress Network – https://www.nctsn.org

• Mental Health America – https://www.mhanational.org

References

Coyne, S. M., Nelson, D. A., & Stockdale, L. A. (2021). The developmental trajectory of relational aggression from childhood to adulthood: A review. Aggression and Violent Behavior, 59, 101543. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.avb.2021.101543

Raskauskas, J., & Stoltz, A. D. (2020). The psychological effects of peer relational aggression in childhood: A review and implications. Child Psychiatry & Human Development, 51(3), 407–419. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10578-019-00914-8