Growing Through the Storm: The Mighty Oak That Could
Author’s Note:
As a dual-certified Nurse Practitioner, I am often holding space for people road-mapping some of the hardest chapters of their lives. What I’ve learned, both professionally and personally, is that healing doesn’t begin with well-intended advice. It begins with intentional listening, emotional safety, and genuine understanding. This reflection comes from experiential knowledge and clinical insights. I hope it relates with anyone who is in the thick of it and reminds you that you are not alone in your journey.
Broken dreams, divorce, trauma, unhappiness, oak tree, healing
There are divorces, and then there are divorces that leave your nervous system frayed, your self-worth shaken, and your support system gone. High-conflict divorces have a way of making those affected feel isolated; especially for the parent who carried most of the emotional weight. After the legal paperwork is signed, what remains isn’t always peace. Sometimes it’s a deafening silence. Often times, it’s long-lasting emotional trauma. This is especially true if children and custody agreements are part of the process.
When you leave a turbulent marriage, it’s rarely just the marital relationship that is lost. The sense of community is often lost, too. The phone stops ringing. Friends stay neutral. Even family may pull back, unwilling to “take sides.” This kind of isolation compounds the emotional toll, particularly when navigating parenting agreements that don’t always feel fair or supportive of your new reality. As the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (2014) research suggests, trauma doesn’t arise solely from an event, it deepens when the emotional support is lacking afterward.
Single Parenting, Healing after Divorce
The Storm of Single Parenting
I know this storm. I once believed divorce would bring relief. Instead, I found myself facing a new kind of survival. The family court system can feel harsh and disorienting. Your body is exhausted, your thoughts are racing, and yet, life still demands you show up.
This is where trauma-informed care offers a lifeline. It doesn’t judge you. It doesn’t rush your healing. It doesn’t push you to “move on.” It begins with spaces for you to breathe, to rest, to feel. It starts with small routines that make the body feel safe: making coffee, going for a walk, folding laundry while music plays. As SAMHSA (2014) outlines, safety is the first essential step. Only once your body stops bracing for impact can healing begin.
Rebuilding Trust and Inner Strength
In time, safety opens the door to something deeper. The feeling of trust. Especially after emotional abuse or manipulation. I understand trust isn’t easily rebuilt. You may begin to question your own perceptions. Was it really that bad? Am I overreacting? In these moments, trauma-informed psychotherapy and sometimes pharmacologic support can help you learn to trust yourself again.
One of the most overlooked wounds after a high-conflict divorce is the absence of reliable support. Not only do you lose a companion; you also lose mutual friends, shared routines, even spiritual or social communities. Trauma-informed healing doesn’t insist on you rebuild your entire village overnight. It acknowledges the power of even one safe person. Whether it’s a therapist, a close friend, or an online community of survivors. Having one space where you’re not judged but understood. That kind of connection can be a turning point in recovery (SAMHSA, 2014).
From Surviving to Choosing
As you start on your healing journey, gradually, a shift begins to unfold. You go from surviving to choosing. From hiding to naming your boundaries. These are not just coping strategies. They are signs of recovery. These steps are how you reclaim yourself.
I’ll be honest: there were moments when I wasn’t sure I’d ever feel like myself again. Some days, the only thing I could manage was showing up for my children and collapsing once they were asleep. Eventually, I stopped explaining my pain to people who didn’t want to understand. I stopped waiting for permission to feel what I already knew was true. Slowly, I began to grow again. Not into who I was before, but into someone new. Stronger. Wiser. Free.
Healing garden, self love, start again
The Resilience of the Oak
The mighty oak is often seen as a symbol of strength. But its strength doesn’t come from resisting storms. It comes from withstanding them. its roots grow deeper because of the winds. In trauma recovery, the same is true. We don’t heal by pretending the storm never happened. We heal by allowing ourselves to acknowledge the hurt and choosing to grow in its aftermath.
Unsupported parents, mainly those navigating high-conflict separations, face a greater risk of anxiety, depression, and chronic stress. But research shows resilience is not rare. In fact, it’s the most common response to adversity (Bonanno, 2004). You don’t need to rush the process of wholeness. You just need to take the first step to healing.
If you’re still in the thick of it, know this: you are not broken. You were carrying too much with too little help. That takes courage and endurance. Trauma-informed psychotherapy focuses on moving forward with tools you can use. You don’t go backwards. You start anew with new insights, deeper roots, and a renewed sense of self.
You don’t have to prove anything. Just take the first step: again, and again.
If you are ready to take that first step towards healing and wholeness, schedule your consultation with My Journey Compass Health today. Book your appointment below.
References
¹ Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. (2014). SAMHSA’s Concept of Trauma and Guidance for a Trauma-Informed Approach.
² Bonanno, G. A. (2004). Loss, trauma, and human resilience. American Psychologist, 59(1), 20–28.